mourning ...

... is kind of weird .... 

many people appear to be able to mourn practically immediately upon the loss of a loved one or a person close to you

some a little later, weeks or months maybe

been three years since dad passed away ... not a single drop 

no remorse, no regrets, no sadness ... nothing 

may wish things could've been better between us but that's water under the bridge

most probably because there's no love lost between my parents and i 

i cried at the funeral of our pastor's mother though i wasn't close to her

i cried at the thought of losing my mother-in-law's Rott

when we lost our first child just before the third month ... i'm not sure i felt anything 

it was more of taking care of the wife 

and when the hospital asked us if we wanted the remains comprising a clump of tissue ...

we just shook our heads and declined

a decade later ... i cried for a good 30-45mins ... moved by Selah's I Will Carry You

hearing Amy Perry sing ... the lyrics hit home and .... i was moved to tears

precious darling ... i am sorry i didn't give you a second thought 

i am sorry i didn't and don't get to see you, watch you grow, see you smile, hear your laughter

i am sorry i shan't know of your dreams and desires, that i can't wipe away your tears 

i am sorry i can't hug you and hold you close and comfort you 

i am sorry i can't take pictures of you, feed you, bathe you, dress you

i am sorry i can't take you by the hand when you take your first steps and later, watch you run

i am sorry i can't sing and rock you to sleep

i am sorry there're no midnight feeds, no strapping into the car seats 

i am sorry i won't be able to see you grow and perform in playschool or in church

i am sorry i shan't have the pleasure of children's, parent's, Christmas and vacation days with you

i am sorry i won't have the pleasure of seeing your mind and motor skills progress ... learn to eat on your own, dress and toilet yourself

precious darling, i am sorry, daddy's sorry

but you're with the Father ... who knows you by name before you were born and saw you before you were knit in your mother's womb

and you have all you ever need with Him 

Shalom, little one ... i hope to know you when i return home 

SS2 Fishing Fever on 23rd November

Finally got round to paying Ann another visit.

Like the matte blue coating on the 6-foot 1 piece Zagan very much, something different from the norm. A light jigging rod, the Zagan Micro Stage Drop Flick feels comfy in hand, light and yet strong. Check out Asian Angler's review of the Micro Stage Drop Flick. 

Another light jigging rod that caught my eye was the Ajiking Micro Game rated PE0.8-1.0 but capable of handling jigs weighing 80g max.

All three rods were retailing for less than RM250, with the Ajiking going for less than RM200 if I remember correctly; worth a buy.

Up next was the Butterfly Extreme rated PE1.5-3 with max jig weight of 160g. Love the metallic violet finishing of the handle and binding. Some may or may not like the ACS trigger though.

The 2-6lb 1 piece 6-foot St Croix ultralight spinning rod was particularly tempting. Sporting a split reel seat and quality cork handle, the rod also came with titanium guides all the way to the tip. Worth the RM320 sticker price; light and strong. This, when I swore I'd never pay more than RM100 for an ultralight.  

Speaking of Asian Angler, the publication turned 1 in October 2013, a historic milestone for the publisher and angling community alike. Kudos to Phil and the gang!

The Fortitude spinning reel featured in the October issue of Asian Angler ... git me one'a those, baby ! If it's going for a fraction of the cost of a Van Staal or Zeebaas, I'm all for it!