many people appear to be able to mourn practically immediately upon the loss of a loved one or a person close to you
some a little later, weeks or months maybe
been three years since dad passed away ... not a single drop
no remorse, no regrets, no sadness ... nothing
may wish things could've been better between us but that's water under the bridge
most probably because there's no love lost between my parents and i
i cried at the funeral of our pastor's mother though i wasn't close to her
i cried at the thought of losing my mother-in-law's Rott
when we lost our first child just before the third month ... i'm not sure i felt anything
it was more of taking care of the wife
and when the hospital asked us if we wanted the remains comprising a clump of tissue ...
we just shook our heads and declined
a decade later ... i cried for a good 30-45mins ... moved by Selah's I Will Carry You
hearing Amy Perry sing ... the lyrics hit home and .... i was moved to tears
precious darling ... i am sorry i didn't give you a second thought
i am sorry i didn't and don't get to see you, watch you grow, see you smile, hear your laughter
i am sorry i shan't know of your dreams and desires, that i can't wipe away your tears
i am sorry i can't hug you and hold you close and comfort you
i am sorry i can't take pictures of you, feed you, bathe you, dress you
i am sorry i can't take you by the hand when you take your first steps and later, watch you run
i am sorry i can't sing and rock you to sleep
i am sorry there're no midnight feeds, no strapping into the car seats
i am sorry i won't be able to see you grow and perform in playschool or in church
i am sorry i shan't have the pleasure of children's, parent's, Christmas and vacation days with you
i am sorry i won't have the pleasure of seeing your mind and motor skills progress ... learn to eat on your own, dress and toilet yourself
precious darling, i am sorry, daddy's sorry
but you're with the Father ... who knows you by name before you were born and saw you before you were knit in your mother's womb
and you have all you ever need with Him
Shalom, little one ... i hope to know you when i return home
No comments:
Post a Comment